Saturday, May 15, 2010
77. How I Found God (Daniel Higgs - Ancestral Songs)
I just torrented God. I'm, like, dicking around on the pirate bay, right? And there's this one torrent, it's like, 180 GB or something, and it's called, "NEATO." Well, why not? It don't cost nothing. So I start dl-ing the thing and promptly forget about it. Well, fast forward about a year or something, last week it was a year or something, I remember this old laptop I stuck behind the bed, and it's been downloading this shit all the while and it says "download complete." So I just run the .exe file, cause I forgot I even had the damn laptop so who cares if it fucks up and it sets up. Takes a while. And while the installer bar is getting longer the power is going wiggy and there's lightning and shit. Real fucked up. So it installs and I run it and the command prompt box comes up! That's it! Well, whoop de fuckin do! But then I see that instead of "command prompt" on the little bar, it says "GOD." Alright, I'm not a sucker, I'm the world's biggest sucker. So, for kicks, I just type in 'dir,' right? And fuck me if the name of everyone in the world starts going past, superfast but I, like, somehow know every name as it goes by. Like, I know it's the name of everyone in the world. So that finishes up and I'm like, fuck man, so I make an onion sandwich and come back and I'm macking on this sandwich and I remember Lou Appich, this little fucking weasel rich kid who made my life hell in high school. And he would get his dick sucked because he had a cool car cause his dad had like a Jaguar dealership or some shit. And he would always come by with his posse and take my lunch. Wouldn't even eat it, just take it and spit on it and throw it in the trash. So I'm looking at this GOD prompt and I type 'del lou appich\dick.' That'll teach that fucker. So I forget about it and then I'm watching the news and the guy says "first up: local car salesman loses dick in firearms accident" and I look at my laptop and the fucker is fucking LEVITATING and motherfucker, it is a hell of a life.